tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21651465.post115042758187920306..comments2024-03-24T22:24:11.549-07:00Comments on Rice Daddies: What's in a (sur)name?Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21651465.post-1169132263449851052007-01-18T06:57:00.000-08:002007-01-18T06:57:00.000-08:00Just to throw some fuel onto the fire. I wonder if...Just to throw some fuel onto the fire. I wonder if those women who feel that taking on the husband's last name is a outdated, sexist tradition also feel the same way about getting an engagement ring and having a wedding with all the trimmings.<BR/><BR/>I personally feel that the sharing of the last name helps create a family unit where everyone identifies themselves as a "Chan" "Kim" etc. While IAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21651465.post-1151213715227768742006-06-24T22:35:00.000-07:002006-06-24T22:35:00.000-07:00I'm far from married myself, but as for my parents...I'm far from married myself, but as for my parents, my mom also took the route of taking my dad's last name and then making her maiden name her second middle name. Some magazine subscriptions she's had for a long time reflect her initial intention to always present herself as Firstname Maidenname Lastname, but she got tired of writing all that out, presumably.<BR/><BR/>I myself got her maiden Carl Walkerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10844566112033689884noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21651465.post-1150812682831879942006-06-20T07:11:00.000-07:002006-06-20T07:11:00.000-07:00Ever since I was a little girl imagining my weddin...Ever since I was a little girl imagining my wedding, I have looked forward to changing my name... always with wonder of what this "new name" would end up being. For me, it was a no brainer. However, I did have one family member (my husband's brother, actually) who encouraged me to at the very least hyphenate. <BR/><BR/>I live in the midwest, come from an evangelical Christian family, and believe Sarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06257596797944187832noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21651465.post-1150776218389462832006-06-19T21:03:00.000-07:002006-06-19T21:03:00.000-07:00Reading through the range of responses, I think on...Reading through the range of responses, I think one potential "solution" (and I am being tongue-in-cheek here...sort of) is that couples with kids should mash-up their surnames into a new name that nods at both. I'm sure the in-laws on all sides would likely fucking hate it, but it'd remove some of the gender politics involved and instead treat names as representative of families rather than O.W.https://www.blogger.com/profile/12016225824431559881noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21651465.post-1150764217693701602006-06-19T17:43:00.000-07:002006-06-19T17:43:00.000-07:00For his first marriage, my husband took his wife's...For his first marriage, my husband took his wife's name. I know it to be true because I've seen the paperwork like passport etc with the other name on it. His philosophy was that a family should have a single name but whose name was rather irrelevant to him. So he changed. Of course, when he divorced, he had to go through the changing back.....<BR/><BR/>When we got married, I wanted to changeAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21651465.post-1150747065499373962006-06-19T12:57:00.000-07:002006-06-19T12:57:00.000-07:00I think only Jake mentioned this, but I know for a...I think only Jake mentioned this, but I know for a fact that Korean women in Korea traditionally did not take their husband's name. In a way, I always saw it, rather than being progressive, as another way to devalue women. The children took their father's name, and in case of a divorce or seperation, the father was almost always given custody. <BR/><BR/>I took Charlie's name for 3 reasons: <BRAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21651465.post-1150671551797936932006-06-18T15:59:00.000-07:002006-06-18T15:59:00.000-07:00Traditionally Asian women never changed their last...Traditionally Asian women never changed their last name when they got married--so perhaps we are more progressive eh! :)<BR/><BR/>However here in the US, I think we as AAs tend to follow the cultural norm. So just like how most of us have American-ized first names, because the majority of women here do adopt their husbands last name, that’s what we do as well.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21651465.post-1150656017098119472006-06-18T11:40:00.000-07:002006-06-18T11:40:00.000-07:00Based on a very unscientific study, I can say that...Based on a very unscientific study, I can say that of Rice Daddy readers/commentators, 80% do NOT take their husband names.<BR/><BR/>"My wife took (there's a sexist statement for you) my last name. But really her last name was already a subset of mine, so she only took a few letters."<BR/><BR/>*laugh* Sounds like a game of Scrabble.O.W.https://www.blogger.com/profile/12016225824431559881noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21651465.post-1150605331716892202006-06-17T21:35:00.000-07:002006-06-17T21:35:00.000-07:00I'm filipino and come from a family with 4 daughte...I'm filipino and come from a family with 4 daughters. No sons. Before I married my husband I was already established in my career. So when I married? I ended up hyphenating my maiden & my husband's name. When people to refer to us as a couple, we are Mr. & Mrs. husband's last name. When I'm by myself, I got with the hyphen. It's pretty simple really.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21651465.post-1150576789786188752006-06-17T13:39:00.000-07:002006-06-17T13:39:00.000-07:00I changed my Korean surname to my husband's Japane...I changed my Korean surname to my husband's Japanese surname. I didn't view my action as not standing up for female rights. I didn't have any attachment to my name because it's not only one of the most common Korean surnames, it's also the one which is an American first name. I got really sick of people calling me Kim instead of by my first name. Second of all, I am adopted, though by Koreans. Pukahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14281274575712381983noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21651465.post-1150542381703558132006-06-17T04:06:00.000-07:002006-06-17T04:06:00.000-07:00Happy Fathers' DayHappy Fathers' DayS A J Shirazihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00273513824756243968noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21651465.post-1150538602889113652006-06-17T03:03:00.000-07:002006-06-17T03:03:00.000-07:00My partner and I are not married, but we had to re...My partner and I are not married, but we had to really think about what our daughter's surname was going to be. I thought that maybe she should have mine, because he and I aren't married. Than I thought she should have his, to support the fact that he's her father. We ended up double-barrelling our surnames, to get hers. <BR/><BR/>The upshot of this is that all three of us have completely Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21651465.post-1150520453534088012006-06-16T22:00:00.000-07:002006-06-16T22:00:00.000-07:00My brother's wife changed her name. She's caucasi...My brother's wife changed her name. She's caucasian, with a southern accent, and now a chinese last name.<BR/><BR/>We all get a kick from her stories about meeting in person with colleages she's met over the phone.<BR/><BR/>My wife took (there's a sexist statement for you) my last name. But really her last name was already a subset of mine, so she only took a few letters.thisislarryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04157349911656341561noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21651465.post-1150499294884043602006-06-16T16:08:00.000-07:002006-06-16T16:08:00.000-07:00I'm one of *those* wives that didn't change their ...I'm one of *those* wives that didn't change their names. I never wanted to, and my husband didn't push me - especially after I asked him if he'd change his name to mine, and he said "Heck no, I"m an [his last name]."<BR/><BR/>My mom didn't change her last name when she got married either. When I was a kid, this was kind of rare - in the church directory, she was listed separately from me, my Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21651465.post-1150493863681798292006-06-16T14:37:00.000-07:002006-06-16T14:37:00.000-07:00My wife didn't change her name and I think it woul...My wife didn't change her name and I think it would have been terribly sexist to ask her to. I'm Korean Hapa, so I have a very Anglo last name. My wife is Chinese, but her stepfather adopted her and consequently, she also has a Western last name (actually Irish, so can't call it Anglo.) It was always assumed she would keep her name -- the way I put it, I was marrying her, not acquiring title Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21651465.post-1150492395272988892006-06-16T14:13:00.000-07:002006-06-16T14:13:00.000-07:00In Italy the majority of women keep their own name...In Italy the majority of women keep their own names for paperwork and traditions sake. <BR/><BR/>I am Gia Parsons conjuge D'ambrosi. Which means married to D'Ambrosi aka Signora D'Ambrosi. I am no one without the DH.<BR/><BR/>This place loves paper and to change you name would throw you into a neverending whirlwind of bureaucracy, who wants that? You'd have to change you passport, identity Gia-Ginahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09992947311477100789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21651465.post-1150491531887083912006-06-16T13:58:00.000-07:002006-06-16T13:58:00.000-07:00i'm with lumpyheadsmom and la dra, i.e., i kept my...i'm with lumpyheadsmom and la dra, i.e., i kept my maiden name and my daughter has my husband's surname. people who don't know us may make all sorts of assumptions but we all know how wrong assumptions can be, especially in this day and age with respect to family dynamics.<BR/><BR/>personally, my decision not to change my last name was the result of a number of factors mentioned by previous Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21651465.post-1150480726598696512006-06-16T10:58:00.000-07:002006-06-16T10:58:00.000-07:00I agree with Lumpyhead's Mom. If if they don't kno...I agree with Lumpyhead's Mom. If if they don't know the name situation at our house, then they don't really know me anyway. And I like that there are no conventions anymore, too. There is no label/name/bloggerid/race/ethnicity that explains everything about you. You HAVE to go beyond your assumptions if you really want to get to know someone. And that's a good thing.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21651465.post-1150471110845263822006-06-16T08:18:00.000-07:002006-06-16T08:18:00.000-07:00The 80% figure includes those women who add their ...The 80% figure includes those women who add their husband's name onto their own, yes? It just indicates how many women <I>change</I> their names - either jettisoning their father's name and taking their husband's name or creating a hybrid - it's not just those who become Mrs. Husband.<BR/><BR/>Which lines up with my experience. I would say only about 20% of my female friends kept their originalLumpyheadsmomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15448242506597812607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21651465.post-1150469399478857992006-06-16T07:49:00.000-07:002006-06-16T07:49:00.000-07:001) "I took Papa2hapa's last name when we got marri...1) "I took Papa2hapa's last name when we got married because I don't get along with most of my family and it upset me to have a visible way to be immediately identified with them. For me, it was an easy and quiet way to sort-of disown them."<BR/><BR/>As someone with his own family estrangement issues, I think that's kind of hot. <BR/><BR/>2) "Also, my first name with my husband's surname is O.W.https://www.blogger.com/profile/12016225824431559881noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21651465.post-1150464535672522052006-06-16T06:28:00.000-07:002006-06-16T06:28:00.000-07:00I kept my own surname, because it was my name and ...I kept my own surname, because it was my name and it seemed odd to have to change who I am just because I married my husband. Also, my first name with my husband's surname is apparently also the name of a famous porn star. I wouldn't know, but since people tell me it all the time, it must be true.<BR/><BR/>My husband didn't have much of an opinion on my keeping my own name. If he had put up Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21651465.post-1150462816816055582006-06-16T06:00:00.000-07:002006-06-16T06:00:00.000-07:00It wasn't really a big deal for my wife and I. Sh...It wasn't really a big deal for my wife and I. She kept her name, and we hypenated our son's last name. I didn't really have anything too invested in it and didn't care one way or the other, although it did feel a small big like rejection. M'eh. *shrug* Not a big deal as far as I'm concerned, maybe it will help our son, being that he's mestiso/hapa/biracial/etc.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21651465.post-1150462504424007032006-06-16T05:55:00.000-07:002006-06-16T05:55:00.000-07:00I took Papa2hapa's last name when we got married b...I took Papa2hapa's last name when we got married because I don't get along with most of my family and it upset me to have a visible way to be immediately identified with them. For me, it was an easy and quiet way to sort-of disown them. <BR/><BR/>Because my husband is a KAD and has a white name, people usually assume that he took my name when we got married. More people guess that than think he'sDanahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16184630001079498697noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21651465.post-1150456573984411772006-06-16T04:16:00.000-07:002006-06-16T04:16:00.000-07:00Wow, 80 percent. Huh.The surname thing is extra co...Wow, 80 percent. Huh.<BR/><BR/>The surname thing is extra complicated for me, as a Korean-born, American-adopted, married woman who's going through a post-marriage legal name change right now. When hubby & I got married, I opted not to change my name, out of feminist principle. If he wasn't expected (and didn't expect) to change his name, why should I? Also, I sort of reasoned that since Korean Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21651465.post-1150432323995647162006-06-15T21:32:00.000-07:002006-06-15T21:32:00.000-07:00At one point before marriage, I was gonna add my w...At one point before marriage, I was gonna add my wife's surname as a second middle name and she was gonna keep her surname but sub out her middle name (her mom's maiden name) for my surname, but you know paperwork... :) My wife uses my surname socially in some cases, but professionally and officially she's Dr. Original-Surname, which of course confuses some folks about my last name, esp. if daddy in a strange landhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02838412669298860456noreply@blogger.com