Friday, June 06, 2008

Things Asians Don't Do or Say


I was having a random conversation with a buddy of mine yesterday. We were talking about how absurd it was watching the NHL playoffs on television and seeing so many grown adults with their faces painted. Who the hell does that?

I'll tell you who DOESN'T do that...Asian people.

I'll bet in the history of fandom, you won't find any adult Asians painting their faces in support of their team (the sole exception being that scantily-clad Korean chick from the World Cup who was trying to get a modeling contract.)
Anyway, for the next few minutes, my buddy and I tried to come up with a few other things that Asians/Asian-Americans would never do or say. Here's our short list...

1. Leave their kids in the car.

2. Have sex with their students.

3. Get killed by a grizzly bear.

4. Claim they were abducted by aliens.

5. Put leashes on their kids.

Any other ideas? Throw 'em out there.

19 comments:

illahee said...

hm, i'm curious. do you mean asians in the states, or all over the world? because the japanese do quite a few things on your list, in japan.

Anonymous said...

Along similar lines, are you referring to Asians that are NOT mentally ill? Due to my job, I know plenty of Asians who abuse and neglect their children, such as leaving them in the car during extreme temperatures, shaking them, and breaking bones--all requiring intervention by child protective services.

angie said...

if they're "old school" asian parents:

they don't do time out,

let you stay home because you're sick and be sick - instead they make you clean up or do errands (since you're home any way) and

(if they're korean) eat hamburgers with kimchi!

Chris said...

In response to anonymous, it sounds more like, things you never hear or see Asians do in the news. There are a variety of reasons why they don't do them, but it's probably partly related to "never do anything that would embarrass your family."

sandia said...

kimchi and hamburger sounds good!

i envy that ability to totally let loose sometimes, don't you? sometimes we do it on the inside but the asian in us just won't let the wildness free. i guess unless we're really drunk or something... asians only do these things when drunk.

kwaninator said...

let their kids' food go to waste...

e.g... honey, you're not going to

finish your bok choy and won ton?

sluurp!

Anonymous said...

We also don't wear shoes inside the house

Anonymous said...

Never leave their kids in the car?

You must have overlooked this particular blog entry less than a year ago...

http://ricedaddies.blogspot.com/2007_07_01_archive.html

ka_jun said...

Yeah, someone beat me to it, wear shoes in the house. Do karaoke, oh, wait.

Anonymous said...

I'm an Asian American woman in academia, and I can assure you that I know of numerous cases of Asian/Asian American faculty who have had sex with their students and in some cases have had lawsuits filed against them, and I'm talking about in the States, not in Asia. If you bring Asia into the picture, particularly China, well, then your theory is particularly null and void (it's increasingly common in China for male teachers to have affairs with younger female students and divorce their wives to marry said students).

OTRgirl said...

To support the previous comment: during her college years, my Korean-American sister-in-law met her Chinese-American husband when he was a visiting professor. I suspect they didn't 'wait'.

MorningStew said...

When I joke with my wife about 'putting a leash on the kid,' she sort-of glares at me. So instead, I just grab her hoodie, and pull her back to me old-school style. (and saves money on the purchase of the cute little monkey backpack-thing which is actually, just a leash- geez, I am soo Asian)

MorningStew said...

6. walk around outdoors barefoot.

Rengirl said...

Re #3 - Asians get killed by panda bears instead.

Re #5 - we don't use physical leashes. But there is a definite mental leash set by years of guilt-tripping and academic pressuring.

creative-type dad said...

There's an asian guy at my job that wears women's makeup...

Does that count?

Twiz said...

Would an Asian person hold up a lighter and yell, "Free Bird" at a Lynard Skynard reunion concert?

My Seoul-born mother put my ass in a leash when I was a kid; however, I, myself, have not adopted this custom.

Anonymous said...

Asians won't leave any meat on the bone...think drumstick, think rib...see any meat? I thought I finally go my (Caucasian) husband to eat up all the meat but alas, he fell off the wagon. Last night i gave him such a hard time for being a waster of precious meat. Heh.
christina

papa2hapa said...

I have never painted my face. And I went to a crazy football college where people painted everything they had on their person.

Another thing I have found Asian people won't do is dress all the kids alike. Although Jon and Kate are really ruining that good dad image for me. ha ha ha

Jasi said...

Some hardcore baseball fans in Japan paint their faces for a big game.