Seven lessons learned from traveling on a plane with Owen:
1. An eighteen-month-old needs his/her her own seat on the plane, even if the child spends more time on your lap or in the aisles during the flight, leaving you understandably pissed that you spent almost $800 on an unoccupied seat. In coach.
2. Benadryl may not knock out your kid. In fact, it may produce the opposite effect, and your kid may spend hours shrieking and kicking the back of the seat in front of him/her. Test out the effects of Benadryl at home before you depart for the airport. An added bonus: It's fun and educational to drug your kids.
3. Get the Go Go Kidz attachment for your toddler's car seat. It transforms the car seat into another piece of rolling luggage. (Rolling, screaming, red-faced, occasionally stinky luggage, that is.)
4. Request bulkhead seats. Otherwise, the elderly couple sitting in the row directly in front of your kicking, cranky kid may pummel you and your child before you can disembark. This is especially true if your adorable toddler decides to fiddle with the phone mounted in the headrest of the seat in front of him/her for four fucking hours.
5. Another reason to get bulkhead seats: Proximity to the airplane lavatories, with which you will become (way too) intimately familiar.
6. Do not attempt to change your child's diaper in an airplane lavatory immediately after another passenger has taken a huge crap. (I know this sounds obvious, but we learned this the hard way.)
7. Don't bother packing any reading materials. Leave the laptop at home. Don't bother watching the in-flight movie. Your hands will be full during the flight. And if they aren't, the other passengers probably hate your guts.