Ni Hao, Round Eye!

"Daddy, why does Kai-Lan have such round eyes?"
"That's what you call an idealized representation of Chinese features."
"What does that mean... idealized?"
"It's when art tries to improve upon reality."
"Oh... so, round eyes are better than narrow eyes?"
"Well, DUH! Don't you watch television?"
"I want round eyes too."
"Well, if you're lucky, you can marry a man with round eyes, and maybe your children will have round eyes too."
"I wish mommy married someone with round eyes, so that I could have round eyes also."
"I'm sorry honey, but that's what happens when you marry a man for the content of his character, regardless of his epicanthic fold."

Whoopeeee! I Made It!

Ahh, the sweet smell of success: Dreft, baby wipes, fresh diapers, soiled diapers, cradle cap...

Hi, I'm SoulSnax, a newly minted Rice Daddy, and it's been a long road to fatherhood. It's great to have achieved the rank of Rice Daddy, but I almost didn't get the chance to be among you today...

Our children face many humanitarian issues in this day and age: famine, war, GENOCIDE, child slavery... But the one humanitarian crisis that we never address is the plight of children who may never get to be conceived because of the sad fact that Asian men have been robbed of their sexual capital... That's right, I said it: we lack "bed-cred."

As Monster Daddy mentioned previously, we might not be "normal" enough to mate with. Blame it on whatever you will: the media, colonization, Nintendo...

So with that in mind, I've worked damn hard for what little sexual capital I got. I obviously didn't have the looks, so I had to work on my personality. And as if that weren't enough, it took me forever to de-program my wife's colonized mind before she could ever date me. It was a tough battle, but it was worth it. Seven years later, and now we're the proud parents of a gorgeous baby girl we named Ella (cuz she can wail ...and scat too!). We couldn't be any happier. Just ask my wife. She'll tell ya all about it.

In addition to being a RiceDaddy, I'm a wannabe beatnik whose poetry and prose has been performed at various venues in NYC, most notably at the Five Points Poet's Lounge (formerly known as Teabag). I've also dabbled in filmmaking, coerced by my wife to produce shorts based on my prose and poetry. And I've got some failed business ventures under my belt too, most notably a mail-order-groom website that tried to partner Asian men with American women. It failed miserably for some reason. I don't know why.

My most recent endeavor is the Soulsnax Diversity in Media Challenge, a charity we set up in lieu of a Babies R Us registry. All proceeds go toward selected educational programs that counter the effects of the culturally-negligent, GENOCIDAL media we're all addicted to. It's the Opium War of the 21st Century. So check out the educational programs, and consider making a donation. Do it for the kids!