That's how many times I had to get out of bed last night. What did you think I was talking about? La dra. and I were so beat, we went to bed at 9, right after putting The Pumpkin down. Night before last, The Pumpkin had slept 10 hours straight, no wake-ups at all, which never happens--of course, we had given her Tylenol for teething and Benadryl for congestion. Nothing like druggging your baby to help you all get a good night's sleep. Last night, however, we had to wait out her flailing legs (eyes closed the whole time, mind you) before putting her down. That's always a bad omen.
And so, of course, at 11:00 she woke up crying and sitting up, and I had to go pick her up, pop the pacifier back in, rock her a little, and put her back down. That usually holds for at least 2 hours, more (even the rest of the night) if we're lucky. Me, last night? Not so lucky. Cries woke me up again, sending me down the hallway. On my way back, I check the time--only 12:00. That's not good. And then she did it again at 12:30! I never know what exactly is bothering her when this happens, so I hedged my bets and both gave her Tylenol in case her restlessness was teething-induced (of course, months and months of this have only produced FOUR teeth!), and I turned off the space heater too (though it didn't seem that hot in there). Miracle of miracles, it worked, and she didn't wake up again till 6 (and she slept another hour with some more rocking).
But wait, you say. Didn't you said "five times in two-and-a-half hours"? Yes, yes I did.
So I had barely slipped back into a half-sleep from the 12:30 wake-up when the dog gave out a big single bark in the living room (which he never does). Dazed as I was, I half-yelled the dog's name (thinking it was only in my head), waking my wife who had slept through everything. I went out, checked the backyard and breezeway for cats through the windows (nothing), pet the dog, and went back to sleep. The clock read 1:00.
Again, I was drifting off when I heard an unfortunately familiar sound. I went to check it, and yes, the dog was laying guiltily on the hallway floor next to a fresh spot of throw-up. I groggily got a little flashlight, a bottle of pet stain cleaner, and some paper towels, did what I had to do, and went back to bed. It was 1:30.
So, how was your night?
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Friday, February 17, 2006
Asian parenting tips from "Without a Trace," or Jerry Bruckheimer's guide to raising fratricidal self-haters
So CBS ran an episode of "Without a Trace" last night called "Honor Bound." Apparently it was a rerun of a show that premiered in October, but since The Pumpkin was born, my 10 p.m. television viewing habits are not what they were (10 p.m.? Hell, make that 9 p.m. Thank god for TiVo!) But anyway, the missing-person-of-the-night was a Korean American woman named Sun "Wendy" Kim (played by transracial adoptee Nicole Bilderback, the only actual Korean playing any of the Korean characters, as far as I could tell), who apparently was rebelling against her strict Korean immigrant grocer parents by dating white men she met on the internet.
Basically, while suspicion falls briefly on various white "boyfriends" and her Korean ex-fiance (who turns out to be gay), it turns out that the brother did it. While the episode's title and lots of trite references to family honor and shame would imply that big brother Jin [Jin and Sun? Aren't those the names of the married Koreans on "Lost"? What, Hollywood can't come up with more than one Korean name for each gender?] killed his sis because she brought shame and dishonor on the family by being a slut, it seems that he really did it 'cause he was mad that, as dutiful number one son, he was stuck running the family deli while Wendy got her groove on.
Um, excuse me? I usually like "Without a Trace," and that episode they did a couple seaons ago where the Arab American guy dies because of Arab=terrorist racism actually did a pretty good job with a touchy topic. But this crap? Stock characters in a stock, stereotyped storyline: crying non-English-speaking mom (poor Jodi Long, I guess she got typecast after "All American Girl"?), stoic dad, gay dude looking for a beard so he doesn't have to come out to his parents, daughter who tries to escape by finding a nice white guy but is instead assumed to be a kinky slut and ends up dead because of it, and dutiful son who runs the family store like a good boy and enforces the family code but really hates it and ends up snapping. Crap.
So let's see, what are the lessons for Asian American parents in this? Don't force your kids to follow your culture/rules/family business/fill-in-the-blank or else they'll rebel by sleeping around and killing their sisters? Huh?
So, fellow Asian daddies and Asian mommies, what are your favorite tips for not raising self-hating psycho kids who will end up either missing or hitting their sister over the head with a two-by-four?
Basically, while suspicion falls briefly on various white "boyfriends" and her Korean ex-fiance (who turns out to be gay), it turns out that the brother did it. While the episode's title and lots of trite references to family honor and shame would imply that big brother Jin [Jin and Sun? Aren't those the names of the married Koreans on "Lost"? What, Hollywood can't come up with more than one Korean name for each gender?] killed his sis because she brought shame and dishonor on the family by being a slut, it seems that he really did it 'cause he was mad that, as dutiful number one son, he was stuck running the family deli while Wendy got her groove on.
Um, excuse me? I usually like "Without a Trace," and that episode they did a couple seaons ago where the Arab American guy dies because of Arab=terrorist racism actually did a pretty good job with a touchy topic. But this crap? Stock characters in a stock, stereotyped storyline: crying non-English-speaking mom (poor Jodi Long, I guess she got typecast after "All American Girl"?), stoic dad, gay dude looking for a beard so he doesn't have to come out to his parents, daughter who tries to escape by finding a nice white guy but is instead assumed to be a kinky slut and ends up dead because of it, and dutiful son who runs the family store like a good boy and enforces the family code but really hates it and ends up snapping. Crap.
So let's see, what are the lessons for Asian American parents in this? Don't force your kids to follow your culture/rules/family business/fill-in-the-blank or else they'll rebel by sleeping around and killing their sisters? Huh?
So, fellow Asian daddies and Asian mommies, what are your favorite tips for not raising self-hating psycho kids who will end up either missing or hitting their sister over the head with a two-by-four?
T-Minus 3 Weeks
I guess its three more weeks of semi-good sleep nights although my wife still gets the horrific calf craps announced through primal screaming. Product-wise I think I've gotten a feel for baby buying with friend advice (thanks Cyril and Jason) the Baby Bargains book as my guide. Having baby and the daily changes and feelings still quite a bit abstract. I promise to continue to read and talk to new parents. To get a sense of whats on my mind, heres a list (with the caveat that I'm feeling that some parenting advice seems to be hey haven't you read or heard you aren't suppose to [blank], gee I hope your baby is going to be okay.)
I'm big on checklists so here goes on what I've done recently:
I'm big on checklists so here goes on what I've done recently:
- Finished lamaze (still not quite solid on the breathing and skeptical of its utility)
- Finished Baby CPR and "Care"
- Built the crib
- Unpacked Car Seat, Pack 'n Play, and Stroller
- Children's room painted
- Had baby shower
- Bought semi-manly diaper bags
- Frequently watching "Bringing Home Baby" on TLC
- Get car seat checked
- Read further into Sears Book, What to Expect, Expectant Dad
- Pack for hospital
- Get lesson plans ready for paternity leave
- Decide on soft carrier
- Calculate cost of entended leave and baby finances
What does it mean to be a rice daddy and how is it different from being any other daddy?
Is this suppose to have something to do with me being Asian? Huh. Well, I'm sitting in the baby care class looking at the couples since we've got like six hours on our hands. After the last class, I decide I don't need to take copious notes but then can't help jotting down a few things with the guilt that one day my baby might need it (is that Asian or just nerd anal?- I can wait for the disappointed customer who pops up this blog in a search for "Asian anal"). Ha!
Anyway, we live near the Camp Pendleton Marine military base and the beach so there's this always interesting mix of marines, surfer dudes, and just working class people of all colors. Well, not at the baby class. Just white and Asian people (3 of us). Does this have to do with economics, class, and/or cultural ideas about parenting?
I feel like the youngest couple in the room, even if we probably aren't (early 30s), I just feel like we "look" younger. I'm sorry but some white people don't age well. Even being a teacher, I'm dressed more professionally than the other guys although this one guy who always comes late and is on his cell-phone has the business casual polo/slack look down. But the rest of the guys have this Social Distortion/West Coast Choppers-like aggressive hair, T-shirt, high sock, and shorts so I can show off my tattoo look that I first recognized in Long Beach. Mind you I still believe we look younger, they just try to look like they're younger.
Well, one of them is with an Asian mommy. Here comes another hapa kid. Now in late high school/early college I think most Asian guys go through a jealousy/internalize rage phase because you almost always see an Asian woman with a white guy and next to never the other way around. I, as most, got over it. But now, ten years later, as a father to be I wonder more closely about the cultural background of the child to be. I guess the mother to be Vietnamese and possibly first generation. Is hapa baby going to go to Tet festivals? Will he eat with chopsticks and burn incense at the temple? Or will he skate with his dad and grow out pointy sideburns so he can thrash out to punk? I'm leaning toward the latter because I assume her to fulfill his image of the subserviant Asian female. Now is this my internalized racism or the epitome of why Asian guys don't like White guy/Asian girl couples in the first place?
Anyway, we live near the Camp Pendleton Marine military base and the beach so there's this always interesting mix of marines, surfer dudes, and just working class people of all colors. Well, not at the baby class. Just white and Asian people (3 of us). Does this have to do with economics, class, and/or cultural ideas about parenting?
I feel like the youngest couple in the room, even if we probably aren't (early 30s), I just feel like we "look" younger. I'm sorry but some white people don't age well. Even being a teacher, I'm dressed more professionally than the other guys although this one guy who always comes late and is on his cell-phone has the business casual polo/slack look down. But the rest of the guys have this Social Distortion/West Coast Choppers-like aggressive hair, T-shirt, high sock, and shorts so I can show off my tattoo look that I first recognized in Long Beach. Mind you I still believe we look younger, they just try to look like they're younger.
Well, one of them is with an Asian mommy. Here comes another hapa kid. Now in late high school/early college I think most Asian guys go through a jealousy/internalize rage phase because you almost always see an Asian woman with a white guy and next to never the other way around. I, as most, got over it. But now, ten years later, as a father to be I wonder more closely about the cultural background of the child to be. I guess the mother to be Vietnamese and possibly first generation. Is hapa baby going to go to Tet festivals? Will he eat with chopsticks and burn incense at the temple? Or will he skate with his dad and grow out pointy sideburns so he can thrash out to punk? I'm leaning toward the latter because I assume her to fulfill his image of the subserviant Asian female. Now is this my internalized racism or the epitome of why Asian guys don't like White guy/Asian girl couples in the first place?
Soccer Dad is Goooooal Oriented
Soccer Dad here. And yes, I do play, watch, digest and obsess about the beautiful game. I’ll be disappointed if seven-month old Mase doesn’t take advantage of the genetic greatness passed down from his pops (two years junior collegiate!). But if he plays golf and joins the tour, and makes more than Tiger and Vijay combined, that’s all good too. Just as long as he isn’t playing video games at 7-11, stuffing his face with Chee-tos and acquiring type 2 diabetes.
I’m Japanese American, a music writer/editor and turning 40. Wifey is biracial Korean and works in career development at a local college. We drive early ‘90s Japanese imports. We live in the Yay Area. Mase is our first child. We had been trying for a long time—four years plus—so we have some good insight on fertility issues and IVF treatment. It’s cool; good ahead and ask questions.
I’ve never blogged but I do read them. Metrodad’s site blew my mind and I remember reading through the archives with Wifey. Dude is a freaking riot! Most of all, we were excited to read about fatherhood from a perspective other than corny, older, upper middle class, non-Asian, Pottery Barn Kids coveting herbs we had little in common with. He keeps it raw dog and funny and poignant. And yellow. So it’s an honor to share a corner of cyberspace with him and the rest of the dads. Big up.
Topics coming from my end will probably include some observational mix of music (I feel an anti-Jack Johnson post coming soon), sport and fatherhood. I used to wonder if being a dad would mean I would have less time to devote to my previous obsessions—soccer, my wife, dog, cooking, traveling, records, writing, booty bass, personal hygiene, fantasy football, playing the ponies, philatelic arts and getting hyphy in my white tee. The answer, of course, is yes, but the fact I’m still excited about those things, and not living every minute in a baby bubble, was encouraging. It’s like, I’m still me. Mase didn’t change our lives, he enhanced it.
Stay tuned! More poignant hilarity coming soon!
I’m Japanese American, a music writer/editor and turning 40. Wifey is biracial Korean and works in career development at a local college. We drive early ‘90s Japanese imports. We live in the Yay Area. Mase is our first child. We had been trying for a long time—four years plus—so we have some good insight on fertility issues and IVF treatment. It’s cool; good ahead and ask questions.
I’ve never blogged but I do read them. Metrodad’s site blew my mind and I remember reading through the archives with Wifey. Dude is a freaking riot! Most of all, we were excited to read about fatherhood from a perspective other than corny, older, upper middle class, non-Asian, Pottery Barn Kids coveting herbs we had little in common with. He keeps it raw dog and funny and poignant. And yellow. So it’s an honor to share a corner of cyberspace with him and the rest of the dads. Big up.
Topics coming from my end will probably include some observational mix of music (I feel an anti-Jack Johnson post coming soon), sport and fatherhood. I used to wonder if being a dad would mean I would have less time to devote to my previous obsessions—soccer, my wife, dog, cooking, traveling, records, writing, booty bass, personal hygiene, fantasy football, playing the ponies, philatelic arts and getting hyphy in my white tee. The answer, of course, is yes, but the fact I’m still excited about those things, and not living every minute in a baby bubble, was encouraging. It’s like, I’m still me. Mase didn’t change our lives, he enhanced it.
Stay tuned! More poignant hilarity coming soon!
on being a daddy in a strange land
About a month ago, after being inspired by reading lots of great dadblogs since before my babygirl was born, I finally started my own blog about being a Stay-At-Home-Dad, "daddy in a strange land". Now I'm happy to be able to join forces with a good group of other Asian American dads to bring some different perspectives, experiences and voices to the parenting blogosphere.
A bit about me: My wife of almost 8 years, "la dra." (that's "la doctora," or "the doctor" in Spanish, not "la druh," for you monolinguals out there), and I are the proud and tired parents of "The Pumpkin," our beautiful babygirl, now a full-fledged running, climbing, "no"-saying, babbling toddler. La dra. is pinay, I'm a hapa yonsei Japanese Jewish American (say that five times fast), and we're raising our little multiethnic Asian American cutie in the white Republican desert of Bakersfield, California.
I'm a native Angeleno who studied Ethnic Studies back east and taught social studies in an urban LA high school, so needless to say, culturally, politically, demographically, this little patch of transplanted Red State has taken some getting used to, and is not where we thought we'd be starting our little multiculti family. But here we are, and here I am, one of the only SAHDs in town, it seems, and a non-white, leftwing one to boot.
When The Pumpkin was first born, reading blogs by other newbie dads and SAHDs made me feel connected to a virtual community. Whether you wanted to find out about your non-ugly baby furniture options or needed to commiserate about your newfound state of forced insomnia (and wonder when it would end—guess what? never!), somebody was blogging about it. Fifteen months into dadhood, I finally started "daddy in a strange land" so that I too could grace the blogosphere with rambling monologues on how I hate being asked if I'm babysitting today or flat jokes that sounded funny in my head at 2 a.m. And now, with Rice Daddies, I have one more place where I can share embarrassing stories about my daughter's digestive tract that she can google in 15 years for her therapist.
Sometimes, I catch my breath, and I can't believe that she's already a toddler, a walking, talking little person with a mind and personality all her own. And then I blink and run after her so she won't wedge herself between the back of the sofa and the sliding patio door again or eat crackers out of the garbage or pull the dining room table down on her head.
And you know what? I wouldn't trade it for anything.
A bit about me: My wife of almost 8 years, "la dra." (that's "la doctora," or "the doctor" in Spanish, not "la druh," for you monolinguals out there), and I are the proud and tired parents of "The Pumpkin," our beautiful babygirl, now a full-fledged running, climbing, "no"-saying, babbling toddler. La dra. is pinay, I'm a hapa yonsei Japanese Jewish American (say that five times fast), and we're raising our little multiethnic Asian American cutie in the white Republican desert of Bakersfield, California.
I'm a native Angeleno who studied Ethnic Studies back east and taught social studies in an urban LA high school, so needless to say, culturally, politically, demographically, this little patch of transplanted Red State has taken some getting used to, and is not where we thought we'd be starting our little multiculti family. But here we are, and here I am, one of the only SAHDs in town, it seems, and a non-white, leftwing one to boot.
When The Pumpkin was first born, reading blogs by other newbie dads and SAHDs made me feel connected to a virtual community. Whether you wanted to find out about your non-ugly baby furniture options or needed to commiserate about your newfound state of forced insomnia (and wonder when it would end—guess what? never!), somebody was blogging about it. Fifteen months into dadhood, I finally started "daddy in a strange land" so that I too could grace the blogosphere with rambling monologues on how I hate being asked if I'm babysitting today or flat jokes that sounded funny in my head at 2 a.m. And now, with Rice Daddies, I have one more place where I can share embarrassing stories about my daughter's digestive tract that she can google in 15 years for her therapist.
Sometimes, I catch my breath, and I can't believe that she's already a toddler, a walking, talking little person with a mind and personality all her own. And then I blink and run after her so she won't wedge herself between the back of the sofa and the sliding patio door again or eat crackers out of the garbage or pull the dining room table down on her head.
And you know what? I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
One Year Down
<--Not actual author photo. (But they are cute, aren't they?) Hi, I'm Poppa Large...I used to keep my own daddy blog but I was posting so infrequently that I approached a few other fathers to help assemble Rice Daddies. (I did port over a few of my favorite posts from yore.)
The funny thing is, when I first started blogging about fatherhood, I had a few posts just burning to get out of my system but what I discovered was that once those were out in the world...I didn't have as much urgency to continue writing on the topic. I'm not completely sure why: it's not like I don't have enough things to potentially talk about when it comes to daddy-hood but then again, being a stay-at-home dad (even one with nanny support) is still exhausting enough that in my off time (read: when the baby is asleep), I'm not really trying to spend it blogging about the source of my exhaustion. Know what I mean?
That said, it's been one helluva experience so far. My wife, Sam, and I had dear daughter L a year ago (she just celebrated her first birthday last week) and those 365 days both whipped by as fast as you can imagine yet dragged on endlessly. As I probably said in an earlier post: every cliché ever said about parenting is basically true and one of the ones you'll learn early is "the days are long but the months are short."
I've been trying to find something poignant to say about all this but I'm so remarkably brain dead of late, whatever epiphany I might have to share is buried underneath nights of inadequate sleep and frayed nerves. Not that it's all that bad but I find that my best insights into fatherhood arise out of resolution of crises which presumes, of course, that you actually find resolution to anything. If there's anything about parenthood that I've learned so far, it's that things are always changing but you rarely are aware of that until well after it's happened. I figure we'll catch up one of these days...hopefully before L's 18.
--Poppa Large
Monday, February 13, 2006
What Day is It?
Today the guilt starts: what should I have done for Valentine's Day? I say "should" because most men know that if you haven't planned something by now, it's too late.
Fortunately for me, my wife is incredibly tolerant of my annual ineptitude. In our eight years together, I've only managed two truly romantic Valentine's Days. The first one was our first date and the second one was when I proposed to her. But since then, there's been nothing memorable and, thankfully, I've survived each Valentines unscathed (no high-pitched screaming, no tantrums, no evil eye, and no frosty silence).
This year though, it seems I reached a new level of pathetic. So far, I've only bought my wife a card ... yesterday, at Target, while my wife and daughter were present!
But, oddly enough, I don't mind. I could blame the lack of time to plan and to shop for Valentine's Day on my baby girl, but the truth is that the absence of a child in the past didn't make me less of a procrastinator. To the contrary, my daughter has made me more conscious of how I spend my time. Now, I go home instead of working late at the office. Now, I go to bed early so I can be alert if she needs me in the middle-of-the-night, instead of channel surfing mindlessly until I fall asleep. Now, I go shopping with my wife and daughter for Valentine's Day cards, because then I can spend all my time with the people I love.
I can't wait until tomorrow night, when the guilt will go away ... until mother's day, my wife's birthday, our anniversary, and Christmas. Pathetic.
Fortunately for me, my wife is incredibly tolerant of my annual ineptitude. In our eight years together, I've only managed two truly romantic Valentine's Days. The first one was our first date and the second one was when I proposed to her. But since then, there's been nothing memorable and, thankfully, I've survived each Valentines unscathed (no high-pitched screaming, no tantrums, no evil eye, and no frosty silence).
This year though, it seems I reached a new level of pathetic. So far, I've only bought my wife a card ... yesterday, at Target, while my wife and daughter were present!
But, oddly enough, I don't mind. I could blame the lack of time to plan and to shop for Valentine's Day on my baby girl, but the truth is that the absence of a child in the past didn't make me less of a procrastinator. To the contrary, my daughter has made me more conscious of how I spend my time. Now, I go home instead of working late at the office. Now, I go to bed early so I can be alert if she needs me in the middle-of-the-night, instead of channel surfing mindlessly until I fall asleep. Now, I go shopping with my wife and daughter for Valentine's Day cards, because then I can spend all my time with the people I love.
I can't wait until tomorrow night, when the guilt will go away ... until mother's day, my wife's birthday, our anniversary, and Christmas. Pathetic.
Monday, February 06, 2006
Who's Your Rice Daddy?
If you look at the intro posts or "about me" profiles on most dadblogs, 4 out of 5 of them say something about starting up because all the momcentric parenting sites, while full of good stuff, just didn't speak to their experiences as "New Age Dads" in the 21st century.
When I started tooling around the blogosphere looking for commiserating voices offering cautionary tales or early adopter reviews of the latest dad-friendly diaper bag, I noticed something. A couple of them, in introducing themselves or their kids, casually mentioned that they were Asian American. You know, I'm 35, I'm a writer, I'm Asian, I like hip hop.... Just another descriptor. But comparing them to the growing number of dadblogs, these stood out. 'Cause, you know, I don't think I ever found one that said, "I'm a SAHD, I homeschool my twins, I live in Poughkeepsie, and oh, BTW, I'm white." Heh.
Which brings me, and you, to the here and the now. In short, to Rice Daddies.
We're a group of dads of the Asian persuasion, most of us only 2 years or less into the parenting game. We're bicoastal and multiethnic, Chinese- and Japanese- and Filipino- and Korean- and biracial- Americans. We're writers and lawyers and businessmen and teachers (oh my!), stay-at-home and work-at-home and wish-we-could-work-at-home dads. We're dads who happen to be Asian, and Asians who happen to be dads. And we mention both, matter-of-factly, because they both matter.
Which is not to say that this is gonna be all serious all the time, or all political, or all race-centric. Of course, we're not promising that when we try to be funny, that'll work all the time either. (Except for MetroDad. We give you a money-back guarantee that he will always be piss-your-pants funny.) But really, this is just a place where we can muddle through our own experiences of what it means to be raising the next generation of Asian American young'ns in the technicolor 21st century.
Shout-outs to the O.G. Yellow Daddyblogger, MetroDad, for the inspiration, and to big daddy Poppa Large for the technical and organizational whoopass (and yes, they are the dadbloggers to whom I alluded earlier).
And so, to all you yellow baby daddies and yellow baby daddies' yellow (and brown and black and red and white and off-white) baby mamas, without further ado...
Welcome to the Rice Daddy Revolution.
(Heh. Alliteration. Cool.)
When I started tooling around the blogosphere looking for commiserating voices offering cautionary tales or early adopter reviews of the latest dad-friendly diaper bag, I noticed something. A couple of them, in introducing themselves or their kids, casually mentioned that they were Asian American. You know, I'm 35, I'm a writer, I'm Asian, I like hip hop.... Just another descriptor. But comparing them to the growing number of dadblogs, these stood out. 'Cause, you know, I don't think I ever found one that said, "I'm a SAHD, I homeschool my twins, I live in Poughkeepsie, and oh, BTW, I'm white." Heh.
Which brings me, and you, to the here and the now. In short, to Rice Daddies.
We're a group of dads of the Asian persuasion, most of us only 2 years or less into the parenting game. We're bicoastal and multiethnic, Chinese- and Japanese- and Filipino- and Korean- and biracial- Americans. We're writers and lawyers and businessmen and teachers (oh my!), stay-at-home and work-at-home and wish-we-could-work-at-home dads. We're dads who happen to be Asian, and Asians who happen to be dads. And we mention both, matter-of-factly, because they both matter.
Which is not to say that this is gonna be all serious all the time, or all political, or all race-centric. Of course, we're not promising that when we try to be funny, that'll work all the time either. (Except for MetroDad. We give you a money-back guarantee that he will always be piss-your-pants funny.) But really, this is just a place where we can muddle through our own experiences of what it means to be raising the next generation of Asian American young'ns in the technicolor 21st century.
Shout-outs to the O.G. Yellow Daddyblogger, MetroDad, for the inspiration, and to big daddy Poppa Large for the technical and organizational whoopass (and yes, they are the dadbloggers to whom I alluded earlier).
And so, to all you yellow baby daddies and yellow baby daddies' yellow (and brown and black and red and white and off-white) baby mamas, without further ado...
Welcome to the Rice Daddy Revolution.
(Heh. Alliteration. Cool.)
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Damn you Sam Wan Part Deux
Note: This post will be posted on Sept 20 2006 and is time-machined back to 2005 because it's so damn long I wanted it linkable. This is the cheat sheet that I lovingly made to help you complete the Sam Wan Super Quiz. No one will beat my score.
1) What is your gender? (Please note that if you are not male, you are not eligible to participate in this study.)
Male (Dude you totally gave away the answer to that one)
2) With which Asian American group do you most identify?
East Asian American
3) According to your answer above, please specify the ethnic group or groups with which you most identify (e.g., Filipino American, Chinese American, Vietnamese American).
Irish
4) What is your age?
33
5) What is your generational status?
1st generation (you immigrated to the U.S. at any age)
6) Which of the following sexual orientations best describe you?
Married
7) What is your relationship status?
Gay mostly unless we fight, then I'm sad
8) What is the highest level you completed in school?
Graduate DegreeS (Hellloooo I'm Asian)
9) What is your annual combined household income ($)?
210K milliongajillion+ (see number 8)
10) How did you hear about this study?
Rice Daddies, Bitch
11) You hear about a racially motivated murder of an Asian American man.
What the FUCK?! Someone grab my tabi socks, I'm gonna get feudal on somone's ass.
12) You hear that Asian Americans are not significantly represented in management positions.
Management?! Asian companies always have only one employee and that's the owner. Slave family resources are always off the books.
13) You are told that Asians have assertiveness problems.
Fuck You
14) You notice that Asian characters in American TV shows either speak bad or heavily accented English.
Every time I see Scooby-Doo I break a TV
15) You notice that in American movies, male Asian leading characters never engage in physical contact (kissing, etc.) with leading female characters even when the plot would seem to call for it.
Romeo must Die Must Die, but with like X-ray vision shots of bones breaking. That was hella cool.
16) Someone tells you that the kitchens of Asian families smell and are dirty.
Kimchee should be liberated. Don't hide your Kimchee, let it breathe damnit!
17) You notice that U.S. history books offer no information of the contributions of Asian Americans.
Cerritos has produced the world's greatest Poker Players.
18) You see a TV commercial in which an Asian character speaks bad English and acts subservient to non-Asian characters.
Ancient Chinese F-You
19) You hear about an Asian American government scientist held in solitary confinement for mishandling government documents when his non-Asian coworkers were not punished for the same offence.
That dude needs to be more assertive.
20) You learn that Asian Americans historically were targets of racist actions
Wait a sec, you mean Camp could possibly have been racially motivated? Holy Shit.
21) You learn that most non-Asian Americans are ignorant of the oppression and racial prejudice Asian Americans have endured in the U.S.
See number 20
22) At a restaurant you notice that a White couple who came in after you is served before you.
Yeah, but they get the English menu. Hahaha and don't even think of stepping foot into a Korean restaurant without at least 1 Korean or seriously you are TOTALLY screwed. Am I wrong?
23) You learn that, while immigration quotas on Asian peoples were severely restricted until the latter half of the 1900s, quotas for European immigrants were not.
Gold Mountain was Full
24) Someone tells you that it's the Blacks that are the problem, not the Asians.
Go on...
25) A student you do not know asks you for help in math.
$100 Bitch (see number 9)
26) Someone tells you that they heard that there is a gene that makes Asians smart.
It's called beatthelivingshitoutofyouifyougetaB at locus 34.
27) Someone asks you if you know his or her Asian friend/coworker/classmate.
Is his name Yourmom?
28) Someone assumes that they serve dog meat in Asian restaurants.
Not during the Olympics.
29) Someone tells you that your Asian American female friend looks just like Connie Chung.
What you mean like a bad singer?
30) Someone you do not know speaks slow and loud at you.
Lo siento, no entiendo bitch
31) Someone asks you if all your friends are Asian Americans.
No, they're just straight Asian.
32) Someone asks you if you can teach him/her karate.
Step 1: Must Close Your Eyes...
Step 2: HiYa Sucker!
33) Someone tells you that all you people are all the same.
Overeducated?
34) Someone tells you that all Asian people look alike.
Shut up Jeff
35) Someone tells you that Asian Americans are not targets of racism.
Shut up Hollywood
36) Someone you do not know asks you to help him/her fix his/her computer.
See number 25
37) You are told that "you speak English so well."
You speak Klan purdy good too
38) Someone asks you what your real name is.
Yourmom Kim
39) You are asked where you are really from.
Dingle Bitch
40) In general, I believe that Anglo-Americans (Whites) are superior to other racial groups.
At sunburning yes.
41) I feel more comfortable being around Anglo American (Whites) than I do being around people of my own race.
When I'm in a hotdog eating contest, yes.
42) In general, people of my race have not contributed very much to American society.
What?! Can you say Hyundai? No you said it wrong. Really you did.
43) Sometimes, I am embarrassed to be the race I am.
Only when I see Kim Jong-Il's K-fro.
44) I would have accomplished more in life if I had been born an Anglo-American (White).
Hahahhaha see number 9
45) Anglo-Americans (Whites) are more attractive than people of my race.
No you didn't just ask that.
46) People of my race should learn to think and act like Anglo-Americans (Whites).
Greek System Ruuuulz!
47) I limit myself to "White" activities.
ummm? Beer Pong?
48) I think racial minorities blame Anglo-Americans (Whites) too much for their problems.
I blame Jack Daniels for all kinds of shit.
49) I feel unable to involve myself in Anglo-Americans' (Whites') experiences, and am increasing my involvement in experiences involving people of my race.
See number 10
50) When I think about how Anglo-Americans (Whites) have treated people of my race, I feel an overwhelming anger.
I will wait until Survivor:Klans is over before answering this question.
51) I want to know more about my culture.
This is a trick question and you know it.
52) I limit myself to activities involving people of my own race.
See number 10
53) Most Anglo-Americans (Whites) are untrustworthy.
See number 50
54) American society would be better off if it were based on the cultural values of
my people.
What? Fighting, Drinking, Poetry and Good grades? Oh and Pathos, unbearable pathos.
55) I am determined to find my cultural identity.
See number 51
56) Most Anglo-Americans (Whites) are insensitive.
See number 50
57) I reject all Anglo-American (White) values.
Wait a second, is Bourbon a value? I think it is...my answer to this question is NO.
58) My most important goal in life is to fight the oppression of my people.
You're getting a bit pushy here. How long is this damn quiz. I'm so gonna get an A.
59) I believe that being from my cultural background has caused me to have many
strengths.
Drinking, Fighting, Peotry, Pathos, check check check check
60) I am comfortable wherever I am.
I'm easy.
61) People, regardless of their race, have strengths and limitations.
Boy do they.
62) I think people of my culture and the White culture differ from each other in some ways, but neither group is superior.
Wait there is that sunburning thing I mentioned earlier. I would definitely lose in a sunburning contest.
63) My cultural background is a source of pride to me.
Trick question.
64) People of my culture and White culture have much to learn from each other.
All of the above
65) Anglo-Americans (Whites) have some customs that I enjoy.
Making fun of other races! Good clean hilarious fun!
66) I enjoy being around people regardless of their race.
As long as they're Korean
67) Every racial group has some good people and some bad people.
Good Koreans: Me
Bad Koreans: Me + Whisky
68) Minorities should not blame Anglo-Americans (Whites) for all of their social problems.
Give me a C! Give me an A! Give me an M! Give me a P! What's that spell? Oh shit.
69) I do not understand why Anglo-Americans (Whites) treat minorities as they do.
Dear Jeff...
70) I am embarrassed about some of the things I feel about my people.
Damn this quiz is long.
71) I'm not sure where I really belong.
I belong in a bar. Like right now cuz this test is fricking LONG.
72) I have begun to question my beliefs.
...in starting this quiz. Damnit End already!
73) Maybe I can learn something from people of my race.
Are you still reading this???
74) Anglo-American (White) people can teach me more about surviving in this world than people of my own race can, but people of my race can teach me more about being human.
See number 50
75) I don't know whether being the race I am is an asset or a deficit.
It got me into Rice Daddies didn't it?
76) Sometimes I think Anglo-Americans (Whites) are superior and sometimes I think they're inferior to people of my race.
What a whimpy question. This must have been written by an unassertive asian.
77) Sometimes I am proud of the racial group to which I belong and sometimes I am ashamed of it.
See number 76
78) Thinking about my values and beliefs takes up a lot of my time.
This goddamned quiz takes up a lot of my damn time!
79) I'm not sure how I feel about myself.
...for taking this damn quiz.
80) White people are difficult to understand.
Curling?
81) I find myself replacing old friends with new ones who are from my culture.
I
82) I feel anxious about some of the things I feel about people of my race.
need
83) When someone of my race does something embarrassing in public, I feel
embarrassed.
to
84) When both White people and people of my race are present in a social situation, I prefer to be with my own racial group.
stop
85) My values and beliefs match those of Anglos (Whites) more than they do people of my race.
answering
86) The way Anglos (Whites) treat people of my race makes me angry.
these
87) I only follow the traditions and customs of people of my racial group.
stupid
88) When people of my race act like Anglos (Whites) I feel angry.
questions
89) I am comfortable being the race I am.
Not anymore you bastard
90) One should recognize and adhere to social expectations, norms and practices.
Like not sharing answers to this quiz
91) The welfare of the group should be put before that of the individual.
If you say so.
92) It is better to show emotions than to suffer quietly.
I'll show you this shuriken.
93) One should go as far as one can academically and professionally on behalf of one's family.
On behalf of not getting hit with the B+ stick.
94) One should be able to boast about one's achievement.
see number 9
95) One's personal needs should be second to the needs of the group.
I personally need to get in a time machine and go back to when I didn't start this long ass quiz and realize that I am about to make a horrible decision.
96) One should not express strong emotions.
FUCK THIS SHITTY LONG ASS TEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
97) One's academic and occupational reputation reflects the family's reputation.
Is that why my own mother calls me Dr. Kim?
98) One should be able to draw attention to one's accomplishments.
see number 9
99) The needs of the community should supercede those of the individual.
shaddup I need a drink.
100) One should adhere to the values, beliefs and behaviors that one's society considers normal and acceptable.
If I were answering this test with a pencil I would be out of lead.
101) Succeeding occupationally is an important way of making one's family proud.
Is that really how you spell occupationally? It looks so funny.
102) Academic achievement should be highly valued among family members.
See number 97
103) The group should be less important than the individual.
Wait this is just the opposite of some other question I just answered. Man you are one sneaky-ass Asian Doctoral candidate!
104) One's emotional needs are less important than fulfilling one's responsibilities.
OK, sheeze make me feel guilty. I will finish the damn quiz OK?!
105) Receiving awards for excellence need not reflect well on one's family.
JackFest Contest 7th place 1993!
106) One should achieve academically since it reflects on one's family.
Oh shit am I almost done?
107) One's educational success is a sign of personal and familial character.
I asked you a question damnit!
108) One should not sing one's own praises.
I am the best motherfucking test taker in the whole damn world!!!!!!
109) One should not act based on emotions.
I said I'd finish damnit! Stop pushing me!!!
110) One should work hard so that one won't be a disappointment to one's family
Im going to finish this damn test to make your family happy they have a doctorate son in the family. I better win that damn Amazon Card, I'm going to need to buy a new keyboard because I think I broke this one taking this LONG ASS QUIZ!
111) Making achievements is an important way to show one's appreciation for one's family.
aaaaararrgg. I will achieve finishing this damn test. I will get an A! I will get an Amazon Card!
112) One's efforts should be directed toward maintaining the well-being of the group first and the individual second.
Easy for you to say after you tricked me into finishing this damn test.
113) It is better to hold one's emotions inside than to burden others by expressing them.
Fuck that
114) One need not blend in with society.
One need not drink blended Scotch in society.
115) Being boastful should not be a sign of one's weakness and insecurity.
See number 9
116) Conforming to norms provides order in the community.
Conform this: F this long ass test
117) Conforming to norms provides one with identity.
Norm This: F this long ass test
118) It is more important to behave appropriately than to act on what one is feeling.
I feel exhausted. Thats what I feel damnit.
119) One should not openly talk about one's accomplishments.
I accomplished this test and I'm gonna blog about it bitch.
120) Failing academically brings shame to one's family.
Failing academically brings shame to your butt in the form of an ass-whipping in one's Korean family
121) One should be expressive with one's feelings.
You think? F off Tosser.
122) Children's achievements need not bring honor to their parents.
WTF?! This is the dumbest question of the whole test and I'm not even done yet.
123) One need not sacrifice oneself for the benefit of the group.
Oh great now you tell me. Now that I'm done with your test.
124) Openly expressing one's emotions is a sign of strength.
Fuckin A
125) One's achievement and status reflect on the whole family.
I said this earlier. We could have stopped then but noooooooo have to ask one hundred fifty-three questions..
126) One need not always consider the needs of the group first.
see number 123
127) It is one's duty to bring praise through achievement to one's family.
Now you're not even trying anymore with these questions. Let's talk about ninjas.
128) One should not do something that is outside of the norm.
Ummm define "outside the norm"
129) Getting into a good school reflects well on one's family.
University for California's Lazy Asians #1
130) One should be able to brag about one's achievements.
I swear I answered this one already
131) Conforming to norms is the safest path to travel.
You must be a psychologist to ask such a crafty question
132) My work is the most important part of my life
Obviously it is to you...writing this long ass quiz
133) I make sure people do as I say
Yup, I'm your bitch. pwnage
134) In general, I do not like risky situations
risque situations? Whisky situations?
135) It would be awful if someone thought I was gay
Where the fuck did this come from?
136) I love it when men are in charge of women
No now you're just getting evil.
137) I like to talk about my feelings
I don't talk much really.
138) I would feel good if I had many sexual partners
I mean temporally yes. This question should not have passed phrasing check.
139) It is important to me that people think I am heterosexual
WTF? Where are you going with these questions?
140) I believe that violence is never justified
Unless provoked by long long test
141) I tend to share my feelings
I'll share this Ninja sandwich.
142) I should be in charge
Obviously not
143) I would hate to be important
Is this a trick question?
144) Sometimes violent action is necessary
Is water wet?
145) I don't like giving all my attention to work
Ummm yeah drilling stuff out of eyeballs sometimes required a bit of attention.
146) More often than not, losing does not bother me
Fucking WRONG
147) If I could, I would frequently change sexual partners
Did my wife hire you? You are the most crafty private detective I have ever met. But I'm on to you now.
148) I never do things to be an important person
WRONG
149) I never ask for help
RIGHT
150) I enjoy taking risks
I risked taking this test. I risked wrong.
151) Men and women should respect each other as equals
Of course.
152) Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing
Fucking RIGHT
153) It bothers me when I have to ask for help
I have to ask for help finishing this damn test!!!! Oh wait...am I done?
YES! 14 minutes!
Beat that!
I know I scored like 99%
1) What is your gender? (Please note that if you are not male, you are not eligible to participate in this study.)
Male (Dude you totally gave away the answer to that one)
2) With which Asian American group do you most identify?
East Asian American
3) According to your answer above, please specify the ethnic group or groups with which you most identify (e.g., Filipino American, Chinese American, Vietnamese American).
Irish
4) What is your age?
33
5) What is your generational status?
1st generation (you immigrated to the U.S. at any age)
6) Which of the following sexual orientations best describe you?
Married
7) What is your relationship status?
Gay mostly unless we fight, then I'm sad
8) What is the highest level you completed in school?
Graduate DegreeS (Hellloooo I'm Asian)
9) What is your annual combined household income ($)?
210K milliongajillion+ (see number 8)
10) How did you hear about this study?
Rice Daddies, Bitch
11) You hear about a racially motivated murder of an Asian American man.
What the FUCK?! Someone grab my tabi socks, I'm gonna get feudal on somone's ass.
12) You hear that Asian Americans are not significantly represented in management positions.
Management?! Asian companies always have only one employee and that's the owner. Slave family resources are always off the books.
13) You are told that Asians have assertiveness problems.
Fuck You
14) You notice that Asian characters in American TV shows either speak bad or heavily accented English.
Every time I see Scooby-Doo I break a TV
15) You notice that in American movies, male Asian leading characters never engage in physical contact (kissing, etc.) with leading female characters even when the plot would seem to call for it.
Romeo must Die Must Die, but with like X-ray vision shots of bones breaking. That was hella cool.
16) Someone tells you that the kitchens of Asian families smell and are dirty.
Kimchee should be liberated. Don't hide your Kimchee, let it breathe damnit!
17) You notice that U.S. history books offer no information of the contributions of Asian Americans.
Cerritos has produced the world's greatest Poker Players.
18) You see a TV commercial in which an Asian character speaks bad English and acts subservient to non-Asian characters.
Ancient Chinese F-You
19) You hear about an Asian American government scientist held in solitary confinement for mishandling government documents when his non-Asian coworkers were not punished for the same offence.
That dude needs to be more assertive.
20) You learn that Asian Americans historically were targets of racist actions
Wait a sec, you mean Camp could possibly have been racially motivated? Holy Shit.
21) You learn that most non-Asian Americans are ignorant of the oppression and racial prejudice Asian Americans have endured in the U.S.
See number 20
22) At a restaurant you notice that a White couple who came in after you is served before you.
Yeah, but they get the English menu. Hahaha and don't even think of stepping foot into a Korean restaurant without at least 1 Korean or seriously you are TOTALLY screwed. Am I wrong?
23) You learn that, while immigration quotas on Asian peoples were severely restricted until the latter half of the 1900s, quotas for European immigrants were not.
Gold Mountain was Full
24) Someone tells you that it's the Blacks that are the problem, not the Asians.
Go on...
25) A student you do not know asks you for help in math.
$100 Bitch (see number 9)
26) Someone tells you that they heard that there is a gene that makes Asians smart.
It's called beatthelivingshitoutofyouifyougetaB at locus 34.
27) Someone asks you if you know his or her Asian friend/coworker/classmate.
Is his name Yourmom?
28) Someone assumes that they serve dog meat in Asian restaurants.
Not during the Olympics.
29) Someone tells you that your Asian American female friend looks just like Connie Chung.
What you mean like a bad singer?
30) Someone you do not know speaks slow and loud at you.
Lo siento, no entiendo bitch
31) Someone asks you if all your friends are Asian Americans.
No, they're just straight Asian.
32) Someone asks you if you can teach him/her karate.
Step 1: Must Close Your Eyes...
Step 2: HiYa Sucker!
33) Someone tells you that all you people are all the same.
Overeducated?
34) Someone tells you that all Asian people look alike.
Shut up Jeff
35) Someone tells you that Asian Americans are not targets of racism.
Shut up Hollywood
36) Someone you do not know asks you to help him/her fix his/her computer.
See number 25
37) You are told that "you speak English so well."
You speak Klan purdy good too
38) Someone asks you what your real name is.
Yourmom Kim
39) You are asked where you are really from.
Dingle Bitch
40) In general, I believe that Anglo-Americans (Whites) are superior to other racial groups.
At sunburning yes.
41) I feel more comfortable being around Anglo American (Whites) than I do being around people of my own race.
When I'm in a hotdog eating contest, yes.
42) In general, people of my race have not contributed very much to American society.
What?! Can you say Hyundai? No you said it wrong. Really you did.
43) Sometimes, I am embarrassed to be the race I am.
Only when I see Kim Jong-Il's K-fro.
44) I would have accomplished more in life if I had been born an Anglo-American (White).
Hahahhaha see number 9
45) Anglo-Americans (Whites) are more attractive than people of my race.
No you didn't just ask that.
46) People of my race should learn to think and act like Anglo-Americans (Whites).
Greek System Ruuuulz!
47) I limit myself to "White" activities.
ummm? Beer Pong?
48) I think racial minorities blame Anglo-Americans (Whites) too much for their problems.
I blame Jack Daniels for all kinds of shit.
49) I feel unable to involve myself in Anglo-Americans' (Whites') experiences, and am increasing my involvement in experiences involving people of my race.
See number 10
50) When I think about how Anglo-Americans (Whites) have treated people of my race, I feel an overwhelming anger.
I will wait until Survivor:Klans is over before answering this question.
51) I want to know more about my culture.
This is a trick question and you know it.
52) I limit myself to activities involving people of my own race.
See number 10
53) Most Anglo-Americans (Whites) are untrustworthy.
See number 50
54) American society would be better off if it were based on the cultural values of
my people.
What? Fighting, Drinking, Poetry and Good grades? Oh and Pathos, unbearable pathos.
55) I am determined to find my cultural identity.
See number 51
56) Most Anglo-Americans (Whites) are insensitive.
See number 50
57) I reject all Anglo-American (White) values.
Wait a second, is Bourbon a value? I think it is...my answer to this question is NO.
58) My most important goal in life is to fight the oppression of my people.
You're getting a bit pushy here. How long is this damn quiz. I'm so gonna get an A.
59) I believe that being from my cultural background has caused me to have many
strengths.
Drinking, Fighting, Peotry, Pathos, check check check check
60) I am comfortable wherever I am.
I'm easy.
61) People, regardless of their race, have strengths and limitations.
Boy do they.
62) I think people of my culture and the White culture differ from each other in some ways, but neither group is superior.
Wait there is that sunburning thing I mentioned earlier. I would definitely lose in a sunburning contest.
63) My cultural background is a source of pride to me.
Trick question.
64) People of my culture and White culture have much to learn from each other.
All of the above
65) Anglo-Americans (Whites) have some customs that I enjoy.
Making fun of other races! Good clean hilarious fun!
66) I enjoy being around people regardless of their race.
As long as they're Korean
67) Every racial group has some good people and some bad people.
Good Koreans: Me
Bad Koreans: Me + Whisky
68) Minorities should not blame Anglo-Americans (Whites) for all of their social problems.
Give me a C! Give me an A! Give me an M! Give me a P! What's that spell? Oh shit.
69) I do not understand why Anglo-Americans (Whites) treat minorities as they do.
Dear Jeff...
70) I am embarrassed about some of the things I feel about my people.
Damn this quiz is long.
71) I'm not sure where I really belong.
I belong in a bar. Like right now cuz this test is fricking LONG.
72) I have begun to question my beliefs.
...in starting this quiz. Damnit End already!
73) Maybe I can learn something from people of my race.
Are you still reading this???
74) Anglo-American (White) people can teach me more about surviving in this world than people of my own race can, but people of my race can teach me more about being human.
See number 50
75) I don't know whether being the race I am is an asset or a deficit.
It got me into Rice Daddies didn't it?
76) Sometimes I think Anglo-Americans (Whites) are superior and sometimes I think they're inferior to people of my race.
What a whimpy question. This must have been written by an unassertive asian.
77) Sometimes I am proud of the racial group to which I belong and sometimes I am ashamed of it.
See number 76
78) Thinking about my values and beliefs takes up a lot of my time.
This goddamned quiz takes up a lot of my damn time!
79) I'm not sure how I feel about myself.
...for taking this damn quiz.
80) White people are difficult to understand.
Curling?
81) I find myself replacing old friends with new ones who are from my culture.
I
82) I feel anxious about some of the things I feel about people of my race.
need
83) When someone of my race does something embarrassing in public, I feel
embarrassed.
to
84) When both White people and people of my race are present in a social situation, I prefer to be with my own racial group.
stop
85) My values and beliefs match those of Anglos (Whites) more than they do people of my race.
answering
86) The way Anglos (Whites) treat people of my race makes me angry.
these
87) I only follow the traditions and customs of people of my racial group.
stupid
88) When people of my race act like Anglos (Whites) I feel angry.
questions
89) I am comfortable being the race I am.
Not anymore you bastard
90) One should recognize and adhere to social expectations, norms and practices.
Like not sharing answers to this quiz
91) The welfare of the group should be put before that of the individual.
If you say so.
92) It is better to show emotions than to suffer quietly.
I'll show you this shuriken.
93) One should go as far as one can academically and professionally on behalf of one's family.
On behalf of not getting hit with the B+ stick.
94) One should be able to boast about one's achievement.
see number 9
95) One's personal needs should be second to the needs of the group.
I personally need to get in a time machine and go back to when I didn't start this long ass quiz and realize that I am about to make a horrible decision.
96) One should not express strong emotions.
FUCK THIS SHITTY LONG ASS TEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
97) One's academic and occupational reputation reflects the family's reputation.
Is that why my own mother calls me Dr. Kim?
98) One should be able to draw attention to one's accomplishments.
see number 9
99) The needs of the community should supercede those of the individual.
shaddup I need a drink.
100) One should adhere to the values, beliefs and behaviors that one's society considers normal and acceptable.
If I were answering this test with a pencil I would be out of lead.
101) Succeeding occupationally is an important way of making one's family proud.
Is that really how you spell occupationally? It looks so funny.
102) Academic achievement should be highly valued among family members.
See number 97
103) The group should be less important than the individual.
Wait this is just the opposite of some other question I just answered. Man you are one sneaky-ass Asian Doctoral candidate!
104) One's emotional needs are less important than fulfilling one's responsibilities.
OK, sheeze make me feel guilty. I will finish the damn quiz OK?!
105) Receiving awards for excellence need not reflect well on one's family.
JackFest Contest 7th place 1993!
106) One should achieve academically since it reflects on one's family.
Oh shit am I almost done?
107) One's educational success is a sign of personal and familial character.
I asked you a question damnit!
108) One should not sing one's own praises.
I am the best motherfucking test taker in the whole damn world!!!!!!
109) One should not act based on emotions.
I said I'd finish damnit! Stop pushing me!!!
110) One should work hard so that one won't be a disappointment to one's family
Im going to finish this damn test to make your family happy they have a doctorate son in the family. I better win that damn Amazon Card, I'm going to need to buy a new keyboard because I think I broke this one taking this LONG ASS QUIZ!
111) Making achievements is an important way to show one's appreciation for one's family.
aaaaararrgg. I will achieve finishing this damn test. I will get an A! I will get an Amazon Card!
112) One's efforts should be directed toward maintaining the well-being of the group first and the individual second.
Easy for you to say after you tricked me into finishing this damn test.
113) It is better to hold one's emotions inside than to burden others by expressing them.
Fuck that
114) One need not blend in with society.
One need not drink blended Scotch in society.
115) Being boastful should not be a sign of one's weakness and insecurity.
See number 9
116) Conforming to norms provides order in the community.
Conform this: F this long ass test
117) Conforming to norms provides one with identity.
Norm This: F this long ass test
118) It is more important to behave appropriately than to act on what one is feeling.
I feel exhausted. Thats what I feel damnit.
119) One should not openly talk about one's accomplishments.
I accomplished this test and I'm gonna blog about it bitch.
120) Failing academically brings shame to one's family.
Failing academically brings shame to your butt in the form of an ass-whipping in one's Korean family
121) One should be expressive with one's feelings.
You think? F off Tosser.
122) Children's achievements need not bring honor to their parents.
WTF?! This is the dumbest question of the whole test and I'm not even done yet.
123) One need not sacrifice oneself for the benefit of the group.
Oh great now you tell me. Now that I'm done with your test.
124) Openly expressing one's emotions is a sign of strength.
Fuckin A
125) One's achievement and status reflect on the whole family.
I said this earlier. We could have stopped then but noooooooo have to ask one hundred fifty-three questions..
126) One need not always consider the needs of the group first.
see number 123
127) It is one's duty to bring praise through achievement to one's family.
Now you're not even trying anymore with these questions. Let's talk about ninjas.
128) One should not do something that is outside of the norm.
Ummm define "outside the norm"
129) Getting into a good school reflects well on one's family.
University for California's Lazy Asians #1
130) One should be able to brag about one's achievements.
I swear I answered this one already
131) Conforming to norms is the safest path to travel.
You must be a psychologist to ask such a crafty question
132) My work is the most important part of my life
Obviously it is to you...writing this long ass quiz
133) I make sure people do as I say
Yup, I'm your bitch. pwnage
134) In general, I do not like risky situations
risque situations? Whisky situations?
135) It would be awful if someone thought I was gay
Where the fuck did this come from?
136) I love it when men are in charge of women
No now you're just getting evil.
137) I like to talk about my feelings
I don't talk much really.
138) I would feel good if I had many sexual partners
I mean temporally yes. This question should not have passed phrasing check.
139) It is important to me that people think I am heterosexual
WTF? Where are you going with these questions?
140) I believe that violence is never justified
Unless provoked by long long test
141) I tend to share my feelings
I'll share this Ninja sandwich.
142) I should be in charge
Obviously not
143) I would hate to be important
Is this a trick question?
144) Sometimes violent action is necessary
Is water wet?
145) I don't like giving all my attention to work
Ummm yeah drilling stuff out of eyeballs sometimes required a bit of attention.
146) More often than not, losing does not bother me
Fucking WRONG
147) If I could, I would frequently change sexual partners
Did my wife hire you? You are the most crafty private detective I have ever met. But I'm on to you now.
148) I never do things to be an important person
WRONG
149) I never ask for help
RIGHT
150) I enjoy taking risks
I risked taking this test. I risked wrong.
151) Men and women should respect each other as equals
Of course.
152) Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing
Fucking RIGHT
153) It bothers me when I have to ask for help
I have to ask for help finishing this damn test!!!! Oh wait...am I done?
YES! 14 minutes!
Beat that!
I know I scored like 99%
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